It is not yet too late

Ya know, I used to think that I'd be happy when I started doing well in school. I imagined my anxiety and constant discontent would disintegrate.

But now I realise, I can have it all and still be gravely critical of almost every aspect of my life. I see gravely because it makes my disposition, simply put, rather grave.

And it has dawned on me that this behaviour of mine epitomises the very notion I resent with self-confessed viciousness.

But it's always important to separate the action from the actor. And an undesired behaviour can be remedied.

It is not yet too late for myself.

It's true that now words of encouragement, however sincere and well-meaning meagerly wash over me. They don't really move me as much as they used to. Passed a saturation point, perhaps?

Then I realise that it really is up to me to choose to look at the sun and trees and flowers instead of the darkness.

And know that it's going to be okay.

:)